Today

Well today I do not feel good at all. Apparently breathing is over rated. I know its a matter of time before I'm back in the hospital and that also means setting me back on my fertility stuff ( story of my life). Why is it so easy for everyone else to have other babies but for me its impossible? I am truly truly thinking that god hates me for some reason and will not let me bare children anymore. I wish i could figure out what it is so i could go to confession and pray for that forgiveness. I think I'm going to go off the fertility meds and give my body a rest. I don't know what else to do but stop for a while and let this emo rollercoster ride subside for a while. Any more i hate being me. 

o what a day.

so today sucks. sitting at the hospital waiting for my in law to be done. then on top of that one lof my family dogs is being put down. then i am so frustrated with my infertility its not funny. my husband has been checked out and hes fine but im not im apperentrly not working. which truely sucks. i have been an only child all my life with step sister and brother who now no longer talk to me because of there father. i do have a child that is 5 an he wants a baby brother and a baby sister. it hurts me more an more when i cant say baby u will have that. i feel like a failure. im not one who would usually care what some people think but as of late thats all i feel like is i just get push away cause im overweight. ut a big reason y im over weight is cause of my asthma. everytime i think im getting on a better trmack bamn it hits again and i get more steriods. i hate them more than anything. i just am at a point of i wanna hide in a closet and not come out.............  i just dont know what to do anymore.